Okay, this is it. Labor Day. Summer is drawing to a close. Time to trim the pounds that all those grilled sausages and campfire s’mores packed on to my hips. No, I’m serious. This time I mean it. Before you know it the holidays will be here and I don’t want to look like one of those Thanksgiving Day parade balloons.
I’m working hard to choose just the right eating plan—we definitely don’t want a “diet.” They never work, right? Especially the ones where you eat blanched green beans or cabbage soup all day long. Wait, let me think about that—NO. I’ve also rooted out those programs where the daily allotment of food is something I normally stuff between two slices of bread.
“Just cut back,” people say. “Change your eating habits.” I agree. I need to be more like my cousin, Anne. She’s been the same size six for the last forty years. Her body type is “thread.” I once watched her carve a nectarine into eighteen slivers, then gradually consume them over a period of forty minutes. A nectarine, for gosh sake!! Why can’t I do that? Like a lot of “foodies,” Anne takes pictures of amazing entrees and desserts and sends them to people. The difference is she still only eats the nectarine. Don’t knock it—Anne wears cable knit sweaters. Tucked in!
Whatever I do, it must include kale. Kale is good. It’s a little like eating the leaves of a sycamore tree, but the nutritional benefits are wonderful. A friend recommended going to a weekend farmers market where they sell those little baggies of dried kale. They’re good because they are tender and very yummy (the kale, that is, not the baggies). But I will have to give up bowling to pay for it–the kale is about $15 a bag—or $5 per swallow. I had thought the best solution was to get to the point where I would just eat like a bird, but then I remembered that some species eat fifty times their body weight.
It actually helps that Paula Dean is off the air so I no longer have to be tempted with deep-fried lasagna and chocolate pecan butter cake with French vanilla fondant icing. But, see, the thing is I keep thinking about it. I think about food a lot. I haven’t had a Devil Dog in nearly thirty years, but I still think about them, along with those Hostess cake balls covered in raspberry and coconut.
No, I simply must change my thinking. I must put food out of my mind. I know that whatever I set my mind to with discipline and determination, I will achieve. Piece a cake.